I am examining what to do with potential disappointment. How should I respond if my initial thrust is thwarted? First off, I should actively refuse to slide into an emotional mire. Emotions that don't inspire a call to action aren't particularly useful to me. But, I am unable to cast emotions aside completely for I am dealing specifically with a core thrust toward the future and clearly, it involves heartbreak. There are those whose response is a copious amounts of tacos.

That's not me.

Look, if it happens, I'll acknowledge that the path is closed off. It's not a loss, a setback, or a failure for frankly, nothing has pushed me backward. Honestly, it's more akin to an opportunity cost, so in this context, I would be able to reconsider alternatives. That said, its ambiguity should not creep into my other efforts—seems, obviously, right? But, emotions left unchecked can nudge toward multiple points of failure. Take yesterday morning for instance: my 3:50 AM went off and I actually considered sleeping in to not only skip my accounting studies, but also the workout thereafter. While there's an intrinsic connection tied between my studies and my weightloss regimen for I consider both under the training umbrella—those pencils aren't going to push themselves—clearly, there's not a direct link!

With regards to yesterday's training, I kept moving.

I am wary of this timespan. I am just 10 days from tying my 86-day diet streak. Back then, I feel like I do now, I was riding for weeks on a momentum of success until I indulged myself with some pork rinds and ribs. Days later, I fell off a cliff at a Chinese buffet, a lapse that basically stole most of July and August from me before I could return to my current rhythm.

I simply don't want that greasy success: cooked-to-rubber bits-and-pieces of butter sponges under heat lamps with all of humanity pawing over it. And frankly, I abhor butter; it's the culinary equivalent of nails on chalkboard.

Isn't that the tricky thing about food: our emotions say, "Great job! You did it!" On a fundamental level, our emotions confuse pleasure with success. On some level, we don't view food as the fuel, but see it as the destination.

In 2019, you'll see me at 155. Clearly, I have no interest in stopping this weightloss train.

...and this is a night train. I cut through the nocturnal, across the deepest hours past midnight. While a lone wolf beneath the glow of the moon, I find that disappointments just cultivate backstory. That rumbling sound you hear off in the distance is me making a break for daylight. "I don't care if it takes all night. Gonna set this town alight, c'mon!"