It was two years today that I moved from a June's keto to a carnivore diet that extended 637 days. The first bulletpoint from Web MD as to scury's cause lists: "Don't include fruits and vegetables in your diet for many months." Yawn. The Establishment. Sad.

They say that symptoms arise after 90 days. I HAD THEM (!):

• Lethargy - I left all of my energy out on the floor with those 3:30 - 6AM workouts. Or my 3:30 -5:30 AM workout followed by a drive up to the gym for another hour.

• Body aches - You are not kidding! I'd wreck my body again and again. The biggest problem was my knuckles for hitting the bag too hard. I'd switch to forearm/elbow strikes for the next workout and jack them up as well. I ran out of striking surfaces! (I guess there was always my head.)

• Swelling - Yeah, these delts, bruh.

• Bruising - I'd walk around a Tigers' gameday and no doubt bruised a lot of beer-bellied, 40-something-year-old guys' egos when their wives would check me out—OK, so to my knowledge this happened only once, but lemme embellish it!

• Oral problems - I never could keep my mouth shut how awesome carnivore is.

• Old wounds open - Every workout I'd find something from deep within to pour into my training. That's basically the whole new wave genre, right?

Further risks: I even blew up a concrete, storm shelter bunker with these two hands! These superhuman notions nearly wrenched my arm out of socket as I was dragging that deck's 4x4 encased in concrete that hit another one that I dug up.

Quick, somebody toss an orange juice before I attempt to stop trucks from moving with my bare hands (again)! "Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor."

Coffee

It is not completely accurate that I had ABSOLUTELY NO plants in those 637 days: I drank coffee. On my current carnivore streak, I heavily considered giving up this drug, but I'm going to let it run shotgun beside me again. To be fair, I lost 149 lbs with coffee in my corner from WAY back, even in that low calorie nonsense that was the ups and downs of the 1-12 Expeditions. For those of you playing at home, that's a 22 BMI drop (48.9 to 26.9). Coffee has earned its place. And talk about steeped with memories...I can't say that for sugar juice.

The 28th Expedition Moustache

Today marks my third day on my reinvigorated fitness adventure. Sound familiar? Like, oh, I dunno...EXACTLY a week ago?! I pulled down this website and flipped on the switch to the food conveyor. Nom nom nom nom nom nom. Yes, the proverbial Twinkies of Shame (everything is Twinkies). Oh, that emotional vixen of Little Debbie! She seduced me on that August night as I was in such wretched pain! It has taken everything in me to leave her flabby, McLovin' arms! Ah, but what she, Marie Callender and all the others offer is but a TV-laden loveseat. "They've never seen the Northern Lights. They've never seen a hawk on the wing." I wish I "never hung (my) hat up at (Nutty Buddy's) place. I should've been a cowboy."

So, along with my coffee, I'm taking this website on this journey into the horizon. For whatever reason, it's my weightloss talisman.

And if I may continue the western theme further still...I had a fun idea in my head that I'm rolling with as of today: I was growing a beard since August and though how fun it might be to close out the year with just a moustache so that I can shave it off on New Year's Eve. I'll then kick off 2023 and The 29th Expedition with another attempt at that untouched growth for a year beard. For me, facial hair reminds me of my progress, how far I've traveled...