It is challenging to live in the American South. There are centuries in our blood of what things should be done. It's not from a place of Scriptural merit, or even practicality, just cultural expectations. And those cultural norms emerged from just another cool kids' table in high school.

Recently, I was posed a question, "How can you stay home while your wife plays Rock'em Sock'em Robots at the workplace? Aren't you a man? Did a horse's kick crack your jewels? Who's a man! Woo!"

That might be a paraphrase.

Oh wow, I..uh...have NEVER thought about this...I just figured she just beat me to the car each morning. "Drats, can't go today! Better luck tomorrow!"

Now, the question was posed to me with honest intent so I obliged to answer. A younger me would have given the ol' familiar suggestion, regardless of who said it, but this is a subject of my personal growth as a man. And other men have been alone, strapped to hopeless nights of silence with despair that cannot be shared. Again, if I thought he was pulling out his man card to compare our sizes, then ask for my membership to be revoked by the Overcompensated Crew, I would just laugh at him. I'm NO respecter of men. They are a sorry lot. Vile, despicable and evil is their intent. I don't trust a man far as I can throw him.

It is a poor question because it shoves a guy immediately on the defensive. That said, I'm a hellava defensive fighter, so with one, "I'm your Huckleberry," I began...

Question: If the stay-at-home father is stigmatized by the Southern culture and he is willing and able to work so, why does he homeschool instead? It sure seems he's not being a leader.

Answer: God finds all sorts of new ways to break my pride. For when the world was proud of me, I ignored him. Leadership is not for the proud.

(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty

I began working at the age of 11 for a family-owned print shop. This continued on through high school and into college. I'd pick up second jobs not out of need, but for social reasons and I simply enjoyed working with my hands. I was good at it! In college, I even lived at home and had no expenses. I didn't need money. I had a foundation of working.

I graduated college in 2001 with my MIS degree and a two-year internship with Kraft Foods. How could I not get an entry-level job? Only in June 2002 did I find a job...and it was part-time at that. At a church. I got paid higher when I was an intern.

Fast forwarding to 2005, we married and I told my wife to quit her job. She didn't have to work.

I say all of that to say: I like work. Still do. Do it every day.

There have been times when things just broke. Life is messy. More than once I've been shown my new office and met people only to find I was passed over for the job. And when opportunity strikes, does it matter who makes the play, husband or wife? If there's $20 on the ground, do we NOT pick it up because my back hurts and I can't pick it up?

Men Working as a Chief Good

Southern culture piles unnecessary burden to both men and women with that heavy yoke. Jesus didn't. I cannot think of a passage that says the husband should make more money than the wife. He sacrifices himself. I've done that with my career. I'm laying up my treasure in wealth, quite literally earning generational wealth, instilling all of my value into them.

Is the pursuit of money superior? May it never be! Your Taco Bell Nacho BellGrande is tasty today and thrown out tomorrow

Casting Crowns sings these poignant lyrics from American Dream:

His American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late"
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away

Command & Conquer

There are those who think God designed man to conquer. While he is to subdue nature, I don't think that means conquer. But, let's consider: what is conquer? Does God want us to conquer the world? Well, yes, we are more than conquerors dealing with the "world" and not the world as "Let's all head down to Jerusalem, y'all, kick 'em Arabs out of town and throw on a fish fry. God wants it and we'll make a buck or two along the way. Just win, baby! Yeehaw!"

Yes, that is the bad theology of our past. We conquer sin, we win at overcoming the evil we do. "For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens" (Ephesians 6:12, HCSB). If we modernize an earthly kingdom way of thinking, our crusades to Jerusalems, are we to conquer the workplace? Make more wealth? Plant our flag in that corner office?

Can we qualify our work "winnings" from this conquering as becoming more like Christ? "I've been ESPECIALLY faithful to God since I made that bonus by ripping off folks in Bedford Falls. George Bailey is going to Hell! He ain't conquering that bread!" Fo shizzle?

No, this quickly falls apart. And it is reasonable to agree with this. So, it's not about physical conquering. But, our culture has something else to say about that.

Eat the Rich

Look at our society. Who do we value? Who do we invite to sit with us? The rich. We equate wealth with leadership. Elon Musk. Bill Gates. You know the names. We listen to them. Do they listen to you? Me? The more money someone has, so it follows we think the better the leadership. Therefore, the leaders of our society make wealth. That stay-at-home Dad? He makes no money; he is not a leader. My kids disagree with that assessment.

(Of course, in practice, our rich kings just sit on securities and don't do squat, shhh...)

The Breadwinner & the Chief Executive Officer

What defines a breadwinner? Pretty easy right? Not so fast...

Who is responsible for the profits of a corporation, its "bread" if you will?

The CEO, of course. They're always getting canned for their poor quarterly results, praised with a wheelbarrow of cash if they win.

How does that CEO make the profits?

Vision, direction, implementation of new programs, going in a different direction, training new leaders...

—Wait, what does that have to DO with the nose-to-grindstone work?

You don't want a breathless CEO.

Do they do ANYTHING that directly puts cash in their pocket from their action?

There's no sweat equity beyond the well-placed wink.

In that corporation, who generates wealth for the organization from production and investments? Who is the breadwinner?

Not the CEO

Shouldn't you be wearing a fedora?

Yeah, probably.

Look, if positionally I am to be the leader of my family, it has little bearing as to if I get all of the gold stars. It is far superior to pursue the spirit of servant leadership. Who am I? And I GLADLY give up my golds stars if collectively we are in a better position if my wife works and I stay home. Pick that $20 up! Long have I championed measures to protect my family in the event of my death. My wife has equipped herself to handle adversity. She shall not be a broken homeschooling mom with nowhere to turn as the autumn winds haunt her. She will be powerful.

And NOW you can see how I have found peace...you can see why I've got half an MBA on the shelf with that MA.

No, the chief end of man is not to win bread down the totem pole of the corporate ladder. Work is a part of life. However, acquiring liquidity that simply acts as a go-between for trade? What does THAT have ANYTHING to do with being a man or a woman? I have a limited resource: time. It's not there to waste on more transactional liquidity than I require. I have a select years amount of years remaining—my kids' have a very limited amount of time to learn the lessons that truly matter. Financial management is just an elective course from me.

No, we need to be far more concerned with loving God and loving our neighbor. My pounding this hairy chest in my masculine pride, a torso built by that 99th percentile Neanderthal DNA and generations of tilling the fields of the Mississippi, is all a bunch of hogwash.

At the end of the day, how much do I trust the sovereignty of God? "I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6).

In more practical matters, I'm a carnivore and predisposed to hairiness: I'm man enough to just shake my head at them boys. Give 'em time, they'll get it. My current work is a more challenging that any of my past IT positions. And unlike IT lemme pull out my best Charles Barkley, I gotta deal with a whole lotta knuckleheads in this culture that asks why I'm doin' what I'm doin'.

No, my kids are getting first rate classroom instruction as they're being taught by a college adjunct professor. These lessons span across eternity.

May God forever break me on this side of glorification: life isn't about my money. Nor is it about my pride.

All the riches of the kings end up in wills
We've got information in the information age,
But do we know what life is outside of our convenient Lexus cages?
She said, He said live like no tomorrow,
Every moment that we borrow brings us closer
To the God who's never been short of cash

-Switchfoot, Gone