For the month of February, my weekday study moves into Romans 9-16. As a treat, I chose Romans to kick off January and February, as it is my favorite book in the library of the Bible. It appeals to my analytical side; there's so much meat on its bones—I will be going back for seconds for the rest of my life.

Incidentally, my second favorite is Psalms, which speaks to my heart, the highs and lows of my own existence and dependence on God. The first time God spoke to me was when I was in Psalm 37. That holy place will always be special to me.

I looked forward to this month's reading; I cannot say I have always said that for chapter 9. In fact, for years, I loved Romans 6, 7, 8 and....QUICKLY scampered on to something else—ANYTHING else: "How's Habakkuk doing these days? Did we ever find 2nd Hezekiah?" Yes, ANYTHING, but chapter 9. It was a stumbling block! It just couldn't be true! It was just an affront to American Christianity, that spirit of pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps. "By the power of (me)...I have the power!"

Oh, I joined my other friends who tried their best to explain away that chapter, relegating it to just the specifics of choosing Jacob over Esau, sidestepping to NOT disturb the meat there. "Milk, please!" And when I would run across election THROUGHOUT Scripture, I would dive for cover back to that mindset and sputter something about how God deals only with people groups for salvation, not individuals, conveniently omitting—oh, I don't know—NOAH. Dude and his immediate family were the only ones God saved when the entire world was wiped out!

I once found these words to be troubling:

For though her sons had not been born yet or done anything good or bad, so that God’s purpose according to election might stand—not from works but from the One who calls—she was told: The older will serve the younger. As it is written: I have loved Jacob, but I have hated Esau.

Romans 9:11-13

The passage continues talking about how it "does not depend of human will or effort" (v 16) and how God rose up Pharaoh in Moses' time so He could display His power and let His name be proclaimed. An event that still demonstrates, incidentally. Don't know much about that Valley of Kings, but most folks can tell you or thing or two about ol' Moses.

This verse was difficult for me: "So then, He shows mercy to those He wants to, and He hardens those He wants to harden" (v 18).

In a me-centric world, OF COURSE it is vexing! And honestly, sins are just the earmarks of a me-centric life. We think we know better than God as to what is best for us. It even pollutes our idea of election.

Paul even addresses the reader's response:

You will say to me, therefore, "Why then does He still find fault? For who can resist His will?" But who are you, a mere man, to talk back to God? Will what is formed say to the one who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?" Or has the potter no right over the clay, to make from the same lump one piece of pottery for honor and another for dishonor? And what if God, desiring to display His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much patience objects of wrath ready for destruction?

Romans 9:19–23.

Only when I submitted myself to the authority of God and did not beat upon my chest for being responsible for my salvation, could I accept the doctrine of election. This was the tipping point for me, Acts 13:48, ESV: "And when the Gentiles heard this, they began rejoicing and glorifying the word of the Lord, and as many as were appointed to eternal life believed."

And honestly, once I accepted it, life became more peaceful. If salvation depended on me doing something, well, I'm gonna undo it—I am! One look at my interaction on/off light switch to websites and operating systems would tell ya what I would do! And the valleys are not so low when I realize my sin and come back to Him. God is my loving father. I didn't earn my adoption papers. A Christian is not off to Hell for not recognizing this doctrine, rather, my brother or sister could be spared some jostles from life's wagon ride. It's nothing to get madder than a wet hen over. Sidebar: the world is not "all God's children." I mean, one look at the national news or Instagram and you'll see folks that sure resemble their true dad.

And in this crazy topsy-turvy world, there's peace in understanding that people don't chaotically choose to follow God, but He is sovereign over all. He will not lose a single sheep of His.

I had a lot of help getting there to see it. A couple of those resources were R.C. Sproul's seminal text, Chosen by God. Here's a video series of it. I love John MacArthur's Doctrines of Grace series and with it, these messages:

• The Doctrine of Election, Pt 1
• The Doctrine of Election, Pt 2
• The Doctrine of Election, Pt 3