Yesterday, I thought I had finally kicked the lasting tentacles of this sickness aside. I walked past East Hill, through Ellendale Park, past Hwy 70, and took the BRC track. Emerging onto Haynes Rd, my feet would bring me in front of my childhood home as a wave of despair washed over me. I walked with the words, "I don't want to get old" croaking from my mouth.

Where did that come from? It's not from a place of vanity. I welcome the silver in my beard and only dye it so that it looks fuller in these early months. I cherish the wisdom that comes with these years. And I tell ya: I am absolutely rocking this new pair of suspenders. Haven't worn a pair since Sitka.

I was Homeward Bound down the ever-sidewalk-less Memphis Arlington, past Boys Town as I once walked in 1996 and down Centralia like I did in 1984. I would have walked further than the 8.46 miles I did but I outlasted my Garmin so I called in an evac. I was kicking my prep for it was gonna be a 10-miler. Nevertheless, it just edged out by a tenth of a mile my previously longest walk in The Expeditions. I had more in my tank.

HOWEVER...

...this morning, I woke up at 1:53 AM beating my alarm by a little over a half hour and found that I forgot to plug in my power adapter last night for I had nothing. I created a new worksheet to kick off this week, moving beyond weeks 1-9's DND theme. I didn't want to lift—I didn't even want to stretch! Nevertheless, I did manage to make it outside wearing my 2nd new safety attire.

I was not inspired. For the morning, I only clinked 2¼ miles to the pile. And it now holds the record for the slowest pace in this HFC era. While I thought my body's defenses held, warfare continues as I remain fatigued through the day.

All of this downtime has got me to thinking: what's going on here? Oh, not with the sick stuff. Like, what am I trying to accomplish? I examine my NYR '24...I've absorbed too much of the world. Back on November 16, I mention in a post how I purchased a new Bible and added:

"2024 is going to be something special: a year of vitality and imagination."

The year drew to a close and I spun up some solid New Year's resolutions. But, does it really capture the spirit of what I really seek, really hungry for?

Don't get me wrong: the golden ratio is an excellent target. It'll take the entire year to achieve and there's no guarantee I will. But...to what end? Will it echo in eternity, will it matter experientially when I walk down the streets of the new Jerusalem? And I give up my workday Bible reading plan for...just abs? Is that the best bang for my buck? (Naturally, they're not mutually exclusive.)

Bodybuilding inherently isn't particularly the pursuit of a humble people. And while the carnivore diet is FANTASTIC and enhancing our ability to move is so important, I cannot extend my life by five years...

...I can't even extend it for 5 minutes:

Since his days are determined,
and the number of his months is with you,
and you have appointed his limits that he cannot pass

Job 14:5, ESV

O LORD, make me know my end
and what is the measure of my days;
let me know how fleeting I am!
Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths,
and my lifetime is as nothing before you.
Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!

Psalm 39:4-5, ESV

There's a wave of peace that cascades across my body when I consider these things. While I do not know the time (and I am blessed not to), my expiration date was stamped before I was born.

And quite honestly, I am looking forward to the renewal. My Dad created all of the good things of this world—the beautiful things, too! What will the place be like that He is preparing for me?