I had this idea in my head the other day while working on my Mid Year's Resolutions: what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? Invariably, it swirls down the funnel to that ol' Bucket List, the checklist we hit before we punch out. I'm still working on that, but I find the exercise an invaluable tool to examine what dreams are upon my heart before pragmatism snuffs them out. I wrote this twenty years ago at 25, the first post of the biggest year of my life, 2004:

I have been on a great journey of the heart. I have dreamed dreams that are bigger than me. Instead of holding to "why" I have grasped "why not?" When one contemplates a dream, its first flight is delicate; its wings are fragile, like that of a butterfly. Questions of "how" blow a dream out of the air before it can extend its wings in open flight.

The Fruit of Fasting, 1/3/04

Having the freedom to say, "One day, years down the road, I'll do . . . . . . .," dismisses the wolves and their demoralizing hows'. It enables us the space to stretch out in the sunshine and radiate possibilities. Later, we can circle back and color within the lines with a timetable, budget, and feasibility.

To some extent, there might be some truth to our knee-jerk responses, assuming of course we're just not filling in the bucket with the things posted in the weekly flyer, stuff that folks say are the bucket list. How much has my heart held back from these words, "Oh, that would never work!"

The problem with bucket list items is that they come off as a visitor's guide, a brochure we pick up down in some hotel's lobby. Would I love to skydive? Absolutely! Does it matter if I do? Absolutely NOT! There's no steak in that five-minute dopamine streak for what kind of legacy is left in that bucket?

I am reminded of a book by Piper that I just might spend a week teaching the kids and one I ought to invest an afternoon into reading again, Don't Waste Your Life.

If my bucket list is shaping into a Chuck E. Cheese funzone, what is the framework of my life?

This vision shapes our day-to-day. Yes, the big picture can be unfurled from that scroll lying over there, but what about TODAY. What am I trying to achieve? Does it contribute just a little toward that parchment across the room? Or is it maintenance? Just to get by? How I don't want shallow victories!

Tell me somethin', girl
Are you happy in this modern world?
Or do you need more?
Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?

I'm fallin'
In all the good times, I find myself longin'
For change
And, in the bad times, I fear myself

Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper, Shallow