I finished up my third day on this "sardine fast." Oh, the way these folks throw that word around! In practice, the mechanics of it just has me replacing my beef and eggs with sardines. My butter and coffee remain the same because meat alone never has enough fat.

That said, I am cutting my coffee consumption in half and tossing two sticks of butter into it. Just two cups! The only function of coffee in my diet is as a carrier for butter.

But, I suspect I need to eliminate coffee from my diet—I know, I know tried that / failed that. I tend to always pull the cold turkey rip cord; the shoot never opens! I am better at reading my body now; I feel like I'm tuned up a little tight. Although my Garmin tells me my heartbeat is normal and the time between beats is boring, I reach moments in my day when my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. Yay subjective data!

Thus, after this stein next to me is empty, it'll be the last coffee I'll have. I did not need it in the first 20 years of my life, I will not need it in the last 20 years of my life. As to that 26 middle, eh...yeah, I needed it: the Mug, drives to the east, drives to the west, and all the socialization in the middle.

I want to become the carnivore whom can grab a stick of butter and just go to town on it—I bet I totally could with Kerrygold! But can I with this run-of-the-mill ALDI stuff?

Look what this nutrition website has to say about eating a stick of butter by an author with a degree in Dramatic Writing and interned at MTV and Fallon:

Another problem with eating too much butter (and saturated fats in general) is that they can lead to harmful weight gain and even obesity, which in turn can cause a host of serious health issues.

(insert several stock photos featuring bread but do not reference it)

I'd cite my source, but this is the typical garbage we're inundated and it's simply not true. It's just not...unless I'm some sort of biological freak!

I've currently lost 130 lbs by eating between 45 to 60 sticks of butter per month. When I have stopped eating butter, I have gained weight. I actually don't like butter; I had a huge aversion to it as a kid due to its texture on my fingers. No, my weight gain came from places like fried apple pies, nachos, and ice cream, foods that featured ONE culprit.

The malefactor is carbohydrates sugar in those fruits, vegetables, and seeds—PLANTS. And regarding fiber? Why would I put anything into my mouth that I cannot digest? Think about the next time you're holding a handful of ball bearings. But highlighting that sort of thing doesn't win ya a seat at The Cool Kids' Table.

Thus folks are getting sicker and dying at younger ages than their parents despite a great health consciousness because they eat "healthier" options and not what their forefathers ate. That ol' spinach, with its oxalates and its Just What Plants Do dynamic, is gonna grind the grit out of ya in that upcoming kidney stone.

So, I'm left with one last plant to deal with, Coffea. Con Te Partirò.