Some 22 years ago, I penciled these words over an ugly mug of coffee:

Amid life, within gray walls,
Nameless days pass uncounted.
The promise of the morrow
Breaks as a poor yesterday.

As I pluck out these letters, I'm drawn to these texts from an old record: "Distanced from one, blind to the other" and "These are the eyes that I want you to remember."

I'm weary. I reach up to scratch my right delts only to find an undiscovered numbness to toss into the rest of the broken box...

...well, damn my body. I suspect it's high time to slap this rig silly and train like that man on fire. Take your pick whether its Bruce from The 13th Expedition: Of Yachts & Speedboats or Oh the Larceny from The 36th Expedition: Mortal Kombat.

As I lay here, my Garmin lets me know I'm at 125 bpm. For whatever its stress tracker is worth, it contends I've only had 15 minutes of medium stress today. The other 12 hours and 57 minutes? All high.

Your stress level is 89 out of 100.

You have almost no restful moments today. Stress consumes your body's resources. If you are stressed for long periods of time, you may become exhausted. Your stress level is determined by your recorded stress reactions throughout the day.

How do I apply my current status? Between what I expect is a raging fire of an inflammatory response and stress—two big players for the game—my weighin numbers on April 14 are just gonna be underwhelming. Might have to shelve that 213-215 lbs expectations that parallel the fireworks of last July.

I'm just...tired of it all. A world gone mad.

I am the Patron Saint of Lost Causes
A fraction of who I once believed
Change, only a matter of time
Opinions, I will try and rewrite

Anberlin

Against my better wishes, I've migrated back to Google—yeah, exactly. I'm not flipping my email back. It's only to add functionality to a once deGoogled Android phone. I think there is value in augmenting ability in this dynamic space. Google is still a creep. I guess it's about responding to the unknown, isn't it? That said, it is a goal of mine in 2024 to complete the migration from Google products. Thus, a temporary crutch!

As to my NYR24, I'll hit my passive marks. But, will my active ones may fall to the wayside—ratio, arms, and races? I just don't know contextually...change aside, I just don't have it to lift for my shoulders and arms. As to my races...well, we'll see.

Nevertheless, I do want to hit those goals. We're far from that first week of the new year where resolutions die; we're almost into April! Go us? The shape of 2024...The Shape of Things to Come.

I even revived my Garmin, though all of my past 2023-24 walks, records, and badges are lost in the digital ether. I value my watch more for its heart rate tracking and alarm clock than something that compels me to push, for things haven't changed.

Yeah, good ol' immutable me...kinda a different context as I listen to Mr. Big Just Take My Heart from way back when, that place when I used to store its cassette single with my wooden turn-table and 8-track horizontal cabinet. Yep, right next to those singles of...

...RHCP - Under the Bridge...
...VH - Right Now and Top of the World...
...Jesus Jones - Right Here, Right Now...
...Paul Young - What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted...
...that Smells Like Teen Spirit/Smells Like Nirvana combo...

—all of those junior high favorites. My mind dials back to my hits...

YouTube Link

Yeah, everything's still numb. It's always disconcerting to run a towel down my calves. The last time I felt 100% was—well, interestingly enough when I walked 40,000 steps on February 11. It's funny how we can reach a high that's immediately followed by a long descent.

I look to my future. It's bright, for sure, for I begin with the ending and I'll end with the beginning. Unknowns encircle me, but haven't they always? Aren't they all extraneous details? The core is as it always was. The rest is just background. Still, for the luster of 2022, ne'er the pan sifted bonanza.

Homeschool

I haven't written for a bit about my homeschool approach. For the past couple of days, I've been investing a few bucks into their education:

BJU Press Fundamentals of Literature Grade 9
I bought a single, student textbook as opposed to the teacher edition and a couple of copies. I want to expose my kids the value of self-study, perhaps not pure autodidacticism as I'll be setting the pace and asking for feedback for the system of study.

New Answers Book Box Set Volumes 1-4
While this wouldn't be a full-blown science class, I thought pulling a Q/A each day and discuss together would be beneficial.

Gloomhaven: Jaws of the Lion
Fantasy co-op strategy, teamwork, and number-crunching! And according to this Meeple Mountain review, this Mini-Me scaffolds onboarding which, if the game is compelling, I just may buy the big ol' hoss of tabletop game, the 35-lb Frosthaven.

Hegemony: Lead Your Class to Victory
While I've watched a few YouTube reviews of this tabletop game, it was only after reading Meeple Mountain's review did I pull the trigger. Thus far, at $90, it's my most expensive single title board game.

Poker chips and a couple decks of cards
THIS critical life lesson: life only looks like a gamble...

Ordered but Now on Hold:

Shakespeare’s Tragedies: Macbeth, Othello, King Lear and Hamlet: Slip-case Edition
I already have one kid that enjoys reading The Bard.

Target Math Game
Mental math is fun! Conceptually, I ran across the idea from watching a DnD session of a puzzle involving an elevator in a great bean stalk leading up to a land of giants.

2024

There is change in the air, things running on a timetable much sooner than I had anticipated. I welcome this new landscape as if there was one focus I've proved o'er, it's that while gearing up for 1978, God shoved a battered toolbox with these words etched into the metal: "INNATE ABILITY TO ADAPT."

And quite honestly, I knew where my heart was in 2021-23, and so I should have reflected further on things! Ahh, hyper-adaptability can be a peril! But see, I just have this profound sense that whatever happens in life, I can make things work. I mean, I am the quintessential duct tape guy! Play my theme!

YouTube Link